The Hardest Decision of My Life
by Alaska McGee
Summary: She was Ziva and he was Tony, and they could not and would not ever be more than friends. My first fanfic, so sorry if it isn't very good. Tiva.
1. Chapter 1

He wrapped his arms around her to reach the keyboard and began to type. She glanced up at the big screen and read aloud, "Who is… Darkman?" She turned around to face him, confused.

His expression faltered for only a millisecond; a nearly unnoticeable break in his jokester façade. He glanced down at her and realized how easy it would be for him to kiss her right now. How easy it would be… and how much he wanted to.

No. He would not want to kiss her. She was Ziva. She was the one he joked with, who he teased and played pranks on. She confused American idioms and fought with him to no end. She scared away men. She was a scary ninja assassin who could kill him 18 different ways with a paperclip—and she would never let him forget it.

And he was Tony. He was the jokester who ran from commitment. He dated a new girl every week, and besides, he was seeing someone. Jeanne. He loved Jeanne, didn't he? But deep down, he knew it would not last. Not with Jeanne. Not under the circumstances. Because some day, Jeanne would find out whom he really was.

And who did he have left then? He didn't want the answer to be Ziva. You could call them friends if you were generous. But he was Tony, and she was Ziva. They would not and could not ever be anything more than friends.

So why couldn't he get her out of his head?

Tony shook his head. Sure, he'd found Ziva attractive. Anyone with eyes could see that she was beautiful. But he was never supposed to consider anything more than their playful flirting. Pushing the thoughts out of his head, Tony continued. They had a killer to catch, and an odd one at that. Why unbury a body?

He successfully stayed focused on the case for the rest of the day. Well, for the most part. He couldn't help flirting just a little bit with Ziva. But he went home with his head no clearer than it had been earlier that morning. He had a lot to think about.

And nobody could help him.

He paced back and forth in his apartment until 0400 the next morning. He loved Jeanne, he did. But he knew how it would end with her—she would find out that he was Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo and hate him forever. And while he never wanted that to happen, he accepted that it would and that wasn't his problem anymore. The problem was, why couldn't he stop thinking about Ziva? _Stupid infatuation, Tony,_ he told himself, _that's all. Just get over it. Get over her._

He repeated that to himself all night until he fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Bullpen**

Ziva stared at Tony from across the bullpen. _God, Ziva. Knock it off! He has a girlfriend now. You know it, _she reprimanded herself. She had to get over him. He had a girlfriend, and one that he really loved. You could tell easily—he no longer stared at every woman that passed by. Of course, he hadn't yet let the rat out of the bag. Or was it the bat? _Oh, whatever, _Ziva thought to herself. _The point is, he hasn't admitted it. But you can tell, yes? You can see that he has a girlfriend._

"Whatcha lookin' at, Zee-VAH?" Tony asked, throwing a paper ball towards his partner's desk.

"Nothing, To-NEE," Ziva responded, mocking the way he pronounced her name. She had to get her mind off of Tony. Maybe Abby needed help in the lab! Ziva stood up abruptly, proud of herself for thinking of this distraction. "Gibbs, could I give Abby a hand in the lab? She seemed a bit stressed earlier; maybe she could use the help," Ziva asked her boss. Gibbs nodded and Ziva, thrilled that she could leave the bullpen, rushed down to the 'Labby' as Abby liked to call it.

**The Labby**

"Hello, Abby!" Ziva called over the blaring music. "Need any help with anything?"

Abby, startled by Ziva's presence, dropped her Caf-Pow. A cherry red stain crawled across the floor of the lab.

"Oh, Abby, I am so sorry! I did not mean to startle you. Let me go get you a new Caf-Pow, yes?" Abby tried arguing, but eventually realized that she wasn't going to function unless she had a caffeine refill and allowed her Israeli friend to go on a caffeine run.

**The Bullpen**

Tony was bored out of his pretty little Italian head. He had no paperwork to do, and the Bossman was in interrogation with the suspect. Tony had run out of paper to throw at the McGeek. He had quite literally _nothing_ to do. Sighing, he pulled up an IM. Maybe Abby could entertain him for a few minutes.

_VerySpecialAgentTD: Hey, Abs. Watcha doin?_

_ Abbsolute: Not much. Sent Ziva on a Caf-Pow run. You're bored?_

_ VerySpecialAgentTD: Bored is an understatement. _

_ Abbsolute: Aww. Why not sneak out and see The Girlfriend?_

_ VerySpecialAgentTD: Whose girlfriend?_

_ Abbsolute: Yours, genius._

_ VerySpecialAgentTD: I never said I had a girlfriend._

_ Abbsolute: We can all tell. Why d'ya think Ziva's been all hinky lately?_

Tony stopped short there. _Had_ Ziva been acting 'hinky'? And could it have been because of his girlfriend?

No. Abby was being Abby, just messing with Tony. He signed out of IM. Sure, the little Israeli had been a little distracted. But that was understandable. She was Ziva, who never got stressed; everyone had to let it out sometime. Besides, Steve from Human Resources had been asking her out every single day. Ziva felt bad about rejecting him. So Tony had expected a bit of distraction from her.

There was no way it was because they knew about Jeanne.

**The Labby**

Ziva returned with Abby's fresh Caf-Pow just seconds after Abby closed her IM chat with Tony.

"So, Ziva. Been a bit distracted lately?" Abby questioned, wanting Ziva to spill her obviously-Tony-smitten guts.

Ziva lied smoothly, "Been a bit behind on paperwork, is all. It is a little stressful." Abby nodded, only pretending that she didn't know there was another reason.

"Sure," Abby said. "Whatever you say." Ziva wanted to press her for more—find out exactly what Abby was implying, but more than that she wanted to get off the topic.

"Um, I should get back to the bullpen now. Catch up on that paperwork," Ziva said, completely forgetting that she was supposed to be helping Abby with her work. She took the elevator back up.

Tony stood waiting outside the elevator with a serious question in mind.


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Muchos gracias to any and all readers. A warning: this chapter contains super ultra mega spoilers for Season 4. If you haven't seen the entire season, specifically the ending, and if you haven't seen the beginning of Season 5, don't read it. I don't want to spoil it for you._

_Disclaimer- which I finally thought to put in here. Obviously, I do not own NCIS. I don't own any of the characters or anything at all. If I did, I would be writing real episodes instead of fan fiction._

Tony stood outside the elevator, pulse racing. The doors opened.

"Ziva," he said, blocking the doors to the elevator so his partner could not leave.

"Tony," she responded, pulling Tony into the elevator with her.

Flicking the emergency stop switch, Tony said, "I have a question."

"Yes?"

"What happened, Ziva?" Tony asked, staring into Ziva's beautiful chocolate eyes. Ziva stood silent. "Ziva. You've been very… unZiva. What's wrong?"

Ziva took a deep breath. _Careful, Ziva. Don't tell him don't tell him don't tell him,_ she instructed herself. "I do not know what you mean, Tony. I am fine."

Tony shook his head. "No, you aren't. You don't threaten to kill me anymore. You don't even stand up for McGee when I tease him. You rush out of work and dammit, Ziva, you've been obeying speed laws. Something's up."

The Israeli and the Italian stood in silence for what felt like hours. Ziva couldn't take it anymore. She stared back into his emerald eyes and demanded to know, "Tony, who is your girlfriend and why have we not met her?"

Tony was shocked. Was Ziva really, genuinely upset that he had not told them about Jeanne?

"Ziva. I didn't tell you guys because… because I know how you'll all see it. You are all going to tell me I am a heartbreaker, a jerk. The relationship was doomed from the start because I am terrible at undercover ops. I'm… I'm undercover as Tony DiNardo, and I'm dating La Grenouille's daughter. Her name is Jeanne. And… I thought I loved her. But I don't know what to do, Ziva. That is why you have not met her."

Ziva did not want to hear that. She wanted to cover her ears, to scream, to cry. But she would not cry. She would not. "You love her, yes?"

Tony couldn't find the right way to explain it. He thought he loved Jeanne. But he knew it would all come to an end soon enough, and a very messy end. He wanted to find a way to make it work with Jeanne. But at the same time, he needed Ziva more than anyone else. "I thought I did, Ziva. But now, I don't know. I have to go," Tony said, turning the elevator back on and rushing out.

He did not think about anything the whole ride home. He just drove.

He must have gotten home and fallen asleep at some point, but he couldn't remember anything after leaving NCIS. Tony checked the clock next to his bed: 0100. There came a knock at the door. _Who the hell is at my door at freaking one in the morning? _Tony screamed inside his head. Groggily, he answered the door to find the one and only Ziva David.


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Okay. First of all, thanks to my reviewers and readers. Second, I'm going to break rule six and apologize. I know, the chapters have been short and not much has happened so far. I'm just worried that I'm going to start making everything completely out of character. And this isn't going to make much sense with what happens in the rest of the series, but if I made it go along with that I would have to have started all over and… yeah. I'm rambling, aren't I? I'll stop. S, anyway, I'll try and make this one longer and better. But a big thanks to everyone!_

_Disclaimer: Still do not own NCIS. It belongs to the Keebler Elves. Or, it will soon. I heard them talking about some grand master plan involving deadly quantities of fudge…_

Tony couldn't believe his eyes. Was he drunk? Dreaming? What in the world was Ziva David doing at his apartment at one in the morning?

Ziva saw the confused look on Tony's face and immediately regretted ever coming. She didn't say anything; just ran.

"ZIVA!" Tony shouted after her. He ran as fast as humanly possible, and miraculously caught up with his ninja co-worker. "Ziva, what are you doing here?" He asked, grabbing her arm and leading her back to his apartment.

"I am sorry, Tony. I could not sleep and I started driving and… somehow, I ended up here," Ziva managed to get out. She kept stumbling over her words. "I was thinking about what happened earlier, and I guess you were just on my mind, and so when I started driving I guess I meant to come here, but I didn't know it, I was just driving, but I…" Ziva lost what she was going to say as Tony's eyes met hers.

"You were thinking… about what happened earlier?" He clarified. "In the elevator, you mean?" When Ziva nodded, he continued. "What I was trying to say was that if you guys met Jeanne, the op would be blown. That was all. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bother you with the whole whining about love crap," Tony explained, hoping- no, praying- that his partner wouldn't think less of him.

"Tony. I was thinking about it because..." Ziva began , biting her tongue before she could finish her sentence. Half of her wanted to tell Tony everything. The other half thought she was an idiot. _Come on, Ziva. Tell him! No, wait, don't. You'll ruin everything. But what if he feels the same? But he won't,_ Ziva argued with herself. She did not have a chance to reach a decision. Tony cut her off first.

"Ziva, I as of late, I had to make the hardest decision of my life. But I know the answer now. I have to be with Jeanne, per Director's orders. But I know now that I do not really love her. I care for her. But I am not in love with her." Tony whispered, staring straight into Ziva's perfect eyes.

"Well, if not her, then who?" Ziva queried. "You still are in love, no? I can see it in your eyes. Who, Tony?" Ziva shut her mouth after that, willing herself not to say anymore. She wanted to ask what this woman had that Ziva didn't. She wanted to tell him he was an idiot for not seeing what was right in front of him. But she would do no such thing, because he was Tony, and she was Ziva. They would not and could not ever be anything more than friends.

"Well now, Ziva, I can't tell you that. I would have to break a rule," Tony whispered, not believing that he would imply that he was in love with his very own Ziva. Ziva sat in stunned silence. She didn't think he meant what he said. And if he did, then Ziva must have heard wrong. But she still asked which rule, and tried to keep her heart from palpitating when he responded 12. _Calm, Ziva. He doesn't mean you. He probably means… some other agent. Lee, perhaps? I will have to kill her. Such a shame. I actually liked her. _

Tony stared into Ziva's eyes and Ziva stared back, until Tony abruptly sat up and demanded to know, "Why are you so curious, anyway? You have never cared before who I dated. What has changed?"

Ziva responded in barely a whisper, "You have," and then she didn't even care about rule 12 or about Jeanne or anything anymore, and she leaned across the sofa and kissed Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo—no, not Tony DiNardo, but her Tony DiNozzo- right on the lips. _Dammit,_ she thought. _He's going to know any way. Before this all goes to hell, I want my one kiss._

Ziva braced herself, knowing that any second now, Tony was going to pull back and tell her she was crazy, as if a man like Tony would ever love a woman like Ziva. But he did not pull back. In fact, he wrapped his arms around Ziva's torso and deepened the kiss, because

He was Tony and she was Ziva. They would and could finally be more than friends.

_A/N: I know, I said this one would be longer. I saw a perfect stopping point and I had to take it. Should I continue this? Or is this the end? There isn't much more to do except show them dating and maybe have the rule 12 discussion with The Gibbs. Leave a review, por favor? Telling me whether I should continue or end it here._


	5. Author's Note

I know, I'm sorry! It's been months since an update. I want to let you all know that I'm still here! I've been trying to write a next chapter but so far, they all suck, so this is probably the end. I'm not listing it as a finished story for two reasons: one, I'm still going to attempt to write another chapter, and two, I don't really know how. So, hopefully there will be a new chapter sometime, but 'tis kinda doubtful.


End file.
